Travis Rutz Article

This is the unedited article featured in the June 2010 issue of Flat Out Magazine. I don't think there could have been anything else on the planet I would have been more honored to write about. BTP Trav. :)

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BTP. It’s his motto. It was fixed to the side of his car in place of his name. Give him a crappy track surface. Start him in last position. Tell him he doesn’t have a chance to win. None of it mattered. ‘Cause every night was a BRING THE PAIN night; and the haters, non-believers and small dreamers were the first on his list to feel the burn.

I’d imagine the Powers of the Universe must have looked down upon Travis Rutz and smiled. “Trivial things like multiple championships and record breaking stats aren’t going to mean a thing to this kid,” It must have thought. “Why settle for merely conquering a sport, when you are one of the select few who can conquer the human spirit?” And so for whatever reason, on September 27, 2009, at Terre Haute Speedway…

CRASH.

Immediately following the accident, Trav was standing at Death’s door. Trav knocked, Death opened the door, and anyone who knows Trav well can tell you exactly what he said with those piercing eyes of determination before turning on Death, never looking back. “Bring the pain MoFo. Bring the pain.”

In September the artery behind Trav’s left eye was repaired and he was put into an induced coma. October brought slight movement in the form of trying to open his eyes and tiny squeezes of the hand (squeezers). There was even a glimpse of a brief smile one day. Probably because he must have known he’d be flying back to his home in British Columbia that same month. In November Trav moved out of the critical care unit. His eyes were wide open for short periods, his breathing tubes were removed, and he laughed for the first time. December is the month he attempted to speak. By January Trav started his hyperbaric and acupuncture treatments. Through these treatments it became clear his legs were still attached to his brain. In February his arms and legs showed much more movement. A rehab bike is added to his growing list of therapies. By March, Trav returned home for good and finds an engine puller mounted to the ceiling in his room to assist with the task of getting him in and out of bed. And in April (when this article was written), Trav was finally put on the waiting list to get into the Halvar Jonson Centre for Brain Injury in Ponoka, Alberta.

Trav has come a long way since standing at Death’s door, although the road ahead of him is still exhaustingly long. But he’ll do it. There is no one else on the planet I would have more faith in than Trav to transcend beyond what hopefuls think is possible or defy what experts think is logical. He’s bigger than possibilities and logic. He always has been. In fact, he’s bigger than himself. Since his fight began, he’s inspired haters to rebuild community. He’s instilled hope in the lives on non-believers. He’s opened doors of endless possibilities to small dreamers. Some people have become so inspired, they’ve had BTP permanently tattooed to their bodies. Everyone from weekend warriors to the World of Outlaws have BTP and Travis Rutz stickers plastered to the sides of their cars. The ASCS Northwest’s hard charger award now fittingly bears his name. It’s infectious! It’s also called conquering the human spirit. A feat so timeless and impressionable, it’ll literally change the course of people’s lives forever.

Bring the pain MoFos, bring the pain.

For the latest updates on Trav’s condition and what you can do to help with his recovery, go to www.TravisRutz.com.

Learning How to Fly

I'm an absolute sucker for inspirational quotes. They're plastered in frames and on post-a-notes all over my home. If I could get a job thinking that inspirational shit up, I would. But, 'ehh... I hang out at dirt tracks, so my inspiration is a little rough around the edges. Not to mention I wouldn't want to sell out and have my inspirational ideas accompanied by some water color of a daisy and butterfly on the cover of a Hallmark card.

Who could I possibly inspire anyway?

That's the beauty of inspiration. You never know when, where, what or who you will one day inspire. But let me tell you something I know for sure. You, the one reading this right now, will inspire several lives without even knowing it. You will inspire people through your greatest and lowest moments in life. Sometimes your inspiration may be completely backwards or hardly existent, but it's there, and it's just enough to change someone's course for the better.

For example, I was reading photo captions on a friend's Facebook page and came across this quote:

"When God leads you to the edge of the cliff, trust Him fully and let go, only 1 of 2 things will happen, either He'll catch you when you fall, or He'll teach you how to fly!"

A couple years ago I may have merely nodded my head in agreement to the frou frou bible'ish saying. However, since I read it for the first time just recently... at this particular point in my life... it made me cry. Again, you never know when you will inspire someone, and you never know at which moment you yourself are ready to be inspired.

"Why am I freakin' crying?" I asked the emptiness in my home immediately after reading the frou frou bible'ish words.

Like a flash out of nowhere, I saw an image of myself in the old run down apartment I lived in just after I got out of college. Without getting into much detail, those were some tough times. Working a couple jobs. Not having any friends (since all my college friends lived out of state). And trying to be a big girl, I was too proud to ask for financial assistance even though I hardly had enough money to buy food.

In any case, for a period of just about a year during this particular time of hardship, I had a handful of the most realistic dreams I've ever had in my entire life. I don't typically remember my dreams, but these were absolutely unforgettable. The kind you never want to wake up from because their experience is more deliciously real than your own true reality.

These handful of dreams (about six of them) were the kind that had every molecule in my body pulsating with energy when I'd wake up. It was the most incredible feeling... EVER. I'm talking better than sex or brownie sundaes!! Every hair and every cell of skin on my body was alert and alive. Inside it felt like a fireworks show. And not just any fireworks show, but a fireworks show in which the entire show was the grand finale. Heart pounding, mind numbing, spirit lifting, pure bliss.

My dreams... were about flying.

I remember every detail as though it was an experience that actually happened. My face piercing through the wind. Hair in a dancing surrender to the speed. A perspective of the world quite possibly never seen or interpreted by a human being before.

And the internal feelings. How can I possibly describe the internal feelings? It was like being terrified above and beyond your greatest fears, yet there was no worry or doubt. It was like achieving the most incredible thing imaginable, yet there was no desire to achieve anything at all. It was like discovering love in it's most concentrated and powerful form, yet it was a love you've always known.

"When God leads you to the edge of the cliff, trust Him fully and let go, only 1 of 2 things will happen, either He'll catch you when you fall, or He'll teach you how to fly!"

I think I now know why I cried.

God, the Universe, my Higher Self... whatever It is that is greater than me... It's waiting for me to fly. From my dreams many years ago, I know what it feels like to fly, and I know at this point in my life, I've never felt those feelings in a wakened reality.

But I will.

When I find my way. Eventually.

Eventually I'll find myself at the edge of a cliff. Eventually I'll have the courage to let go and swan dive into my greatest fears, doubts and excuses. And when I do, I'll discover that all my fears, doubts and excuses preventing me from grasping my greatest achievements will no longer exist. You're flying when fear, doubts and excuses vanish. And when I'm "flying" in this space of determined focus and balance, I'll discover the love I've painfully been yearning to find has always been and always will be the true essence of who I am. It was never lost. Only I was lost.

"When God leads you to the edge of the cliff, trust Him fully and let go, only 1 of 2 things will happen, either He'll catch you when you fall, or He'll teach you how to fly!"

But it's hard to let go. I'm standing on the edge of a cliff right now in my life, and I'm scared to jump. No matter how much I trust that everything will turn out OK or how much I believe the ending will turn out exactly as it was meant to play out, I'm still scared to jump.

But I will.

I can feel my toes wiggling anxiously over the cliff's edge. My legs are bending slightly at the knees as if adjusting for the perfect leap. And the memory of feeling alive from every molecule of my being is pulling my focus to a place in which the only way to get there is to fly.

My time for take off is near. :)

A Thought of Thanks

This post is gonna be really short. I just had a "moment," and I wanted to write it down somewhere.

I always try to be thankful every single day. Thankful for the people in my life. Thankful for the things I have. Thankful for my accomplishments. Thankful for pretty much... everything. Well today, as I was lying in bed, without any real thought... my mind just seemed to blurt out:

"Thank you Universe (or God or whatever) for giving me the opportunity to be me."

For whatever reason, these words really impacted me today. "The opportunity to be me." It sounds limitless and magical. Hopeful and essential. I don't know how to explain it.

Maybe there's a bottle of glue open somewhere... and I just don't realize it... haha... :)

Chili Bowl 2010 Revelations

In 2010 I was introduced to the Chili Bowl. I think it was love at first sight. Hundreds of race cars. A ton of action packed on track moments. Two tons of drunkin' packed off track moments. And this huge, strapping, golden, young chap with a Snow White sort of gentleness ('cause the birds liked to perch themselves on his shoulders) welcoming you at the front door. What was not to love?

It was exciting. All of it was exciting. Well... all of it except this one scary part...

How was I possibly going to hold up in an infield full of veteran and legendary motorsport photographers? I felt like a puddle splasher ready to take on an ocean swim.

I was SCURRRRD!

But as I was getting ready to take my first few shots with the camera, from out of nowhere it seemed, a voice popped into my head and said, "They're not you." It was simple. Logical. Undeniably true. Yet, extremely confusing as to why I would be thinking this thought moments before I was surely about to magnify my inadequacies as a self proclaimed motorsport photographer. "Yes," I thought to myself. "They're not me, they're better than me."

I took a series of shots with my camera, then examined the display screen to see how I had fared. Grrrr. Failure. Indoor lighting was proving to be a pain in my ass. I made a few adjustments and took another series of shots. Double grrrrr. I felt the frustration and debilitating self defeat settling in. "You can't give the ASCS a CD full of crap," I scolded myself. I looked around at the other photographers with their giant satellite dish flashes shooting away, imagining the beautiful CDs of pictures they'd be submitting to their media connections of choice. My heart sank. I was just a puddle splasher, and I was drowning in the Chili Bowl ocean.

Softly, beneath the sounds of the roaring cars, I heard it again. "They're not you."

I gently picked up my camera and looked through the viewer. I thought to myself, "They're not me. Which means, no one will ever see what I see unless I'm able to catch it right....... NOW."

CLICK - CLICK - CLICK.

Partial success. I made a few more adjustments, and before I knew it, I was taking pictures that might actually make it to my laptop (I delete hundreds of pics on the camera before they ever see a computer... I'm so anal).

"They're not you." It was repeated in my head the entire week. I repeated it when I was taking pictures, and I even repeated it when I caught myself unfairly comparing myself to the teenie tiny Rockstar girls (unfair only 'cause I'm old enough to be their mother... haha!!).

Do note that the quote "They're not you" is not an ego thing at all. I wasn't at all implying my photos were better than anyone else's. I was merely reminding myself that my photos had a unique style of their own. A unique style because no one else can be me, so no one else can genuinely duplicate my experience from behind the lens. It's an area of photography (motorsport photography in particular) that completely fascinates me. It always amazes me how so many photographers can be taking pictures of generally the same thing, yet each photographer produces images that have an exclusively different feel or energy.

And in regards to the Rockstar girls, I wasn't implying I was prettier or sexier than they were, I was just reminding myself that I had a beauty and sexiness that was different than theirs. An essence if you will. Granted, you'd have to fish far below skin deep to find it... haha... but it's there, and it's a beauty and sexiness that only I hold the keys to.

The week turned out to be a valuable life lesson for me, encouraging me to stop ranking myself among my peers and just start uninhibitedly being myself in this thing called life. 'Cause once you realize there's this part of you in which no one can fill your shoes, the world starts to open up and opportunities allowing you to share your unique essence begin to unfold.

Things are starting to unfold for me. And with a little luck, the world may one day know everything I'm capable of offering it. 'Cause... no one can be me. :)

Here's my photos from Chili Bowl 2010. There's definitely some things I'd change (like a little more flash power to make the wheels look like they're spinning), but they turned out ok for my first try:

Monday through Friday Pics

Saturday's A-Main Driver Pics

Saturday's Pics

Once in a Blue Moon

I've always hated New Years Eve. High expectations have always resulted in dismal results. Not to mention the crowds are large, traffic is terrible and food/beverage establishments seem to offer up their "special priced" menus just for the night. So for the last several years, I've just opted to stay home with a good movie and pair of flannel pajamas.

But at about 10pm on December 31, 2009, I had this wild-hair-in-the-ass-crazy-idea that it would be fun to go take pictures of Seattle, the fireworks at the Space Needle and this crazy Blue Moon phenomenon that apparently rarely happens (especially on New Year's Eve). It was destiny, right? I had no choice but to just follow my instinct and see where it wanted to take me!

So I packed up all my crap and headed out to Seattle. I was a little nervous at first venturing out to the dark Seattle streets... alone... with a fairly expensive camera. Those images of getting mugged are always so pleasant. And yes, I do everything alone nowadays. I'm at the age where all my friends are married with kids. It has become a "be comfortable spending time with yourself or die" situation. For the most part, I'm totally comfortable hangin' with just me. There's a lot of peace to be had in that relationship. :)

So I get to this really great spot on Alki, which overlooks the city, and walk along the waterfront looking for the perfect spot to set up my tripod. Not that there's really a perfect spot or anything... it just gives the appearance to others that you actually know what you're doing. And I... had absolutely no clue what I was doing. I had never taken pictures of a city at night before. In fact, I'd never even used my tripod before. On top of that, I've never even read the instruction booklet on my camera before... so I had no idea what any of the buttons did or didn't do.

I took a ton of shots purely out of experimentation. It was through this experimentation process that I learned ferries are not nearly as fun to pan as sprint cars are. In any case, I slowly started to figure out which settings were better than others to get the shots I desired.

As the clocked ticked closer to midnight, more and more people started to arrive for the view. It's kinda fun being the loner with the camera... 'cause you're the one people ask to take their picture in front of the cityscape. I was the person that took that ONE picture a couple would have of their night together where BOTH of 'em were in the same picture. :)

So I had my camera set up and aimed at the Space Needle, ready for the fireworks... when in the most classic Seattle sort of way... it starts to pour at 11:30pm. I can't even see the Space Needle through the rain. F-My-Life.

It's funny though, as I was standing there under my umbrella looking at city lights barely illuminating through a hazy curtain of gray... I just smiled. I had forced myself out of my pajamas and dragged myself into the night to get a picture I now wasn't going to be able to shoot. Not to mention this Blue Moon people spoke of was hidden up in the sky somewhere behind the clouds. That's my destiny at it's finest.

Shivering cold and soaked to the bone, I just continued to smile. It was like I had a giggle in my heart. I thought to myself, "Maybe destiny isn't always in plain site. Maybe it's there waiting behind a curtain of darkness. Maybe your chances for greatness are only offered to you once in a Blue Moon. Whatever the case may be, maybe it's best to act on intuition and instinct... 'cause destiny calls to you in a way your five senses can't "see." And maybe it's that instinct/intuition that has you aimed and focused towards the darkness where there appears to be nothing. 'Cause maybe... just maybe... your once in a Blue Moon opportunity is there waiting for you in the darkness. Just because you can't see the moon in the sky... it doesn't mean it's not there."

At 11:55pm... like magic... the sky opened up... the moon peaked through the clouds... and the Space Needle became clear as can be.

"Aim, focus, and keep shooting till life gives you the image you want." ~Stacy Verrall

I think 2010 is gonna be a good year. Happy New Year everyone!

The Space Needle at 11:30pm:


The Space Needle at Midnight: