Learning How to Fly

I'm an absolute sucker for inspirational quotes. They're plastered in frames and on post-a-notes all over my home. If I could get a job thinking that inspirational shit up, I would. But, 'ehh... I hang out at dirt tracks, so my inspiration is a little rough around the edges. Not to mention I wouldn't want to sell out and have my inspirational ideas accompanied by some water color of a daisy and butterfly on the cover of a Hallmark card.

Who could I possibly inspire anyway?

That's the beauty of inspiration. You never know when, where, what or who you will one day inspire. But let me tell you something I know for sure. You, the one reading this right now, will inspire several lives without even knowing it. You will inspire people through your greatest and lowest moments in life. Sometimes your inspiration may be completely backwards or hardly existent, but it's there, and it's just enough to change someone's course for the better.

For example, I was reading photo captions on a friend's Facebook page and came across this quote:

"When God leads you to the edge of the cliff, trust Him fully and let go, only 1 of 2 things will happen, either He'll catch you when you fall, or He'll teach you how to fly!"

A couple years ago I may have merely nodded my head in agreement to the frou frou bible'ish saying. However, since I read it for the first time just recently... at this particular point in my life... it made me cry. Again, you never know when you will inspire someone, and you never know at which moment you yourself are ready to be inspired.

"Why am I freakin' crying?" I asked the emptiness in my home immediately after reading the frou frou bible'ish words.

Like a flash out of nowhere, I saw an image of myself in the old run down apartment I lived in just after I got out of college. Without getting into much detail, those were some tough times. Working a couple jobs. Not having any friends (since all my college friends lived out of state). And trying to be a big girl, I was too proud to ask for financial assistance even though I hardly had enough money to buy food.

In any case, for a period of just about a year during this particular time of hardship, I had a handful of the most realistic dreams I've ever had in my entire life. I don't typically remember my dreams, but these were absolutely unforgettable. The kind you never want to wake up from because their experience is more deliciously real than your own true reality.

These handful of dreams (about six of them) were the kind that had every molecule in my body pulsating with energy when I'd wake up. It was the most incredible feeling... EVER. I'm talking better than sex or brownie sundaes!! Every hair and every cell of skin on my body was alert and alive. Inside it felt like a fireworks show. And not just any fireworks show, but a fireworks show in which the entire show was the grand finale. Heart pounding, mind numbing, spirit lifting, pure bliss.

My dreams... were about flying.

I remember every detail as though it was an experience that actually happened. My face piercing through the wind. Hair in a dancing surrender to the speed. A perspective of the world quite possibly never seen or interpreted by a human being before.

And the internal feelings. How can I possibly describe the internal feelings? It was like being terrified above and beyond your greatest fears, yet there was no worry or doubt. It was like achieving the most incredible thing imaginable, yet there was no desire to achieve anything at all. It was like discovering love in it's most concentrated and powerful form, yet it was a love you've always known.

"When God leads you to the edge of the cliff, trust Him fully and let go, only 1 of 2 things will happen, either He'll catch you when you fall, or He'll teach you how to fly!"

I think I now know why I cried.

God, the Universe, my Higher Self... whatever It is that is greater than me... It's waiting for me to fly. From my dreams many years ago, I know what it feels like to fly, and I know at this point in my life, I've never felt those feelings in a wakened reality.

But I will.

When I find my way. Eventually.

Eventually I'll find myself at the edge of a cliff. Eventually I'll have the courage to let go and swan dive into my greatest fears, doubts and excuses. And when I do, I'll discover that all my fears, doubts and excuses preventing me from grasping my greatest achievements will no longer exist. You're flying when fear, doubts and excuses vanish. And when I'm "flying" in this space of determined focus and balance, I'll discover the love I've painfully been yearning to find has always been and always will be the true essence of who I am. It was never lost. Only I was lost.

"When God leads you to the edge of the cliff, trust Him fully and let go, only 1 of 2 things will happen, either He'll catch you when you fall, or He'll teach you how to fly!"

But it's hard to let go. I'm standing on the edge of a cliff right now in my life, and I'm scared to jump. No matter how much I trust that everything will turn out OK or how much I believe the ending will turn out exactly as it was meant to play out, I'm still scared to jump.

But I will.

I can feel my toes wiggling anxiously over the cliff's edge. My legs are bending slightly at the knees as if adjusting for the perfect leap. And the memory of feeling alive from every molecule of my being is pulling my focus to a place in which the only way to get there is to fly.

My time for take off is near. :)