Chili Bowl 2010 Revelations

In 2010 I was introduced to the Chili Bowl. I think it was love at first sight. Hundreds of race cars. A ton of action packed on track moments. Two tons of drunkin' packed off track moments. And this huge, strapping, golden, young chap with a Snow White sort of gentleness ('cause the birds liked to perch themselves on his shoulders) welcoming you at the front door. What was not to love?

It was exciting. All of it was exciting. Well... all of it except this one scary part...

How was I possibly going to hold up in an infield full of veteran and legendary motorsport photographers? I felt like a puddle splasher ready to take on an ocean swim.

I was SCURRRRD!

But as I was getting ready to take my first few shots with the camera, from out of nowhere it seemed, a voice popped into my head and said, "They're not you." It was simple. Logical. Undeniably true. Yet, extremely confusing as to why I would be thinking this thought moments before I was surely about to magnify my inadequacies as a self proclaimed motorsport photographer. "Yes," I thought to myself. "They're not me, they're better than me."

I took a series of shots with my camera, then examined the display screen to see how I had fared. Grrrr. Failure. Indoor lighting was proving to be a pain in my ass. I made a few adjustments and took another series of shots. Double grrrrr. I felt the frustration and debilitating self defeat settling in. "You can't give the ASCS a CD full of crap," I scolded myself. I looked around at the other photographers with their giant satellite dish flashes shooting away, imagining the beautiful CDs of pictures they'd be submitting to their media connections of choice. My heart sank. I was just a puddle splasher, and I was drowning in the Chili Bowl ocean.

Softly, beneath the sounds of the roaring cars, I heard it again. "They're not you."

I gently picked up my camera and looked through the viewer. I thought to myself, "They're not me. Which means, no one will ever see what I see unless I'm able to catch it right....... NOW."

CLICK - CLICK - CLICK.

Partial success. I made a few more adjustments, and before I knew it, I was taking pictures that might actually make it to my laptop (I delete hundreds of pics on the camera before they ever see a computer... I'm so anal).

"They're not you." It was repeated in my head the entire week. I repeated it when I was taking pictures, and I even repeated it when I caught myself unfairly comparing myself to the teenie tiny Rockstar girls (unfair only 'cause I'm old enough to be their mother... haha!!).

Do note that the quote "They're not you" is not an ego thing at all. I wasn't at all implying my photos were better than anyone else's. I was merely reminding myself that my photos had a unique style of their own. A unique style because no one else can be me, so no one else can genuinely duplicate my experience from behind the lens. It's an area of photography (motorsport photography in particular) that completely fascinates me. It always amazes me how so many photographers can be taking pictures of generally the same thing, yet each photographer produces images that have an exclusively different feel or energy.

And in regards to the Rockstar girls, I wasn't implying I was prettier or sexier than they were, I was just reminding myself that I had a beauty and sexiness that was different than theirs. An essence if you will. Granted, you'd have to fish far below skin deep to find it... haha... but it's there, and it's a beauty and sexiness that only I hold the keys to.

The week turned out to be a valuable life lesson for me, encouraging me to stop ranking myself among my peers and just start uninhibitedly being myself in this thing called life. 'Cause once you realize there's this part of you in which no one can fill your shoes, the world starts to open up and opportunities allowing you to share your unique essence begin to unfold.

Things are starting to unfold for me. And with a little luck, the world may one day know everything I'm capable of offering it. 'Cause... no one can be me. :)

Here's my photos from Chili Bowl 2010. There's definitely some things I'd change (like a little more flash power to make the wheels look like they're spinning), but they turned out ok for my first try:

Monday through Friday Pics

Saturday's A-Main Driver Pics

Saturday's Pics